We are nothing…

We are nothing more than just a fatalistic pipe dream

nocturnal daydreams in a purple haze

on the cusp of death and rebirth love and pain faded and unfaded

as the milky way in which we respire ceases to exist.

© Aanchal Gounder 

Ever have one….

Ever have one of those silent gut-wrenching cries in the bathroom or maybe when you’re laying down in the dark at night, you know the kind where you cover your mouth and hope you don’t make a sound so no one else will hear you while completely falling apart?  It happens. It just happened the other day for me. That’s part of my present and I make the best of it. I’m human and I know I’m not alone in this. Life is messy. We all have our stories, we all have been through hell at one point or another. Some more often than others but that doesn’t make anyone’s pain less than. Your pain is your pain, if it hurts then it hurts and that is enough for it to matter. There was a time I thought I was alone in my suffering that I should be ashamed of the dark thoughts that transpired. So yes, when I get to that point of silently crying because it’s all become too much and everything is just hitting me all at once I still have thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore, at that moment everything is so bleak and every ugly thing I can say to myself, I say it. I don’t hold back. But when I’m done, I wipe away my tears and wait for tomorrow. Face another day, and that within itself is winning for me.

© Aanchal Gounder

I have so…

I have so much going on in my head my thoughts are lit up and they are catching on fire, burning up inside of me, can they burn through the iron bars I have encaged them in? Will they burn hot and high, roar with fury? Will I make it out unscathed when they are done with me? My emotions are all over the place, some I know too well and others I tucked away to deal with on another day, a day I knew would never come but I’m losing control over my hold on everything right now, I really don’t want to get to know them at all but they have taken on a form of something which I know not, they have woken up from their slumber and are here for a reckoning. If they only knew I’m too far gone to care. If that wasn’t enough I made the decision to discard every broken dream and throw it away into the gray but I forgot I myself am a broken dream so does that mean I am now just scattered remnants? Something to forget, to leave behind. Have I ever been enough? Am I fated to dissolve into oblivion and leave behind not even a whisper?

© Aanchal Gounder

 

You, Fireheart…

You, Fireheart, are a thread of fabric carefully weaved through time

dipped in cosmic phenomena you move like the tempestuous seas of two worlds collided

a universe of interstellar thoughts, the unbreaking of creation

black magic, divine magic, a conjurer that can’t be denied

love so real, a beautiful conundrum

as wild as wild can be you are the wild spirit wrapped in shooting stars and roses born of love and war

a breath that wields the power of fantastical things, a myth made legendary by the truth of a single riff

so burn, burn bright Fireheart, because I exist only for you.

© Aanchal Gounder

Hey, anxiety…

Hey, anxiety how are you today? Won’t you stop by and say hello. Thoughts magnified. I can’t turn it off. Fear crawling under my skin, burrowing itself. I’m here to stay. The possible, now impossible. Nothing seems simple it’s all so complicated. I can’t figure out how to uncomplicate the collision course you have set me on. My heart racing, crashing, sputtering, barely holding on, a fraction of its power. I took a breath and suffocated in frustration. Look at me now, barefoot, wandering around in a frequency so dark. Aimless. Endless. Collapsing within myself.

© Aanchal Gounder