As I sit across…

As I sit across from you today I realize something, I feel nothing. I felt so much once. There was a time I cared enough to fight for us. To go to war for us. The problem is it has always been me, I was the only one fighting for us, you were too busy tearing us down and apart finding new ways to break me. I lost so much sleep, crying into the late hours of the night trying to figure out why I wasn’t enough, not enough to be loved as deeply as I loved. Doubting myself.

I don’t hate you. I don’t love you. I’ve reached that point of exhaustion where I have nothing left in me. And now I sit here and feel not a goddamn thing for you. Nothing.

© Aanchal Gounder

11 thoughts on “As I sit across…

    1. This is just a moment in time, feelings or lack thereof expressed about someone. I feel too damn much even when I feel nothing that nothingness is something. I’m a complicated mess Vinayak. Thanks for reading🌹

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      1. The world, the universe is a complicated mess, so of course you being a part on it cannot be simple, but what matters is that moment you mentioned feelings, no feeling. There is no optimism in solving a complicated mess, sometimes just let be and be in that moment. Take care, hope to see you around time to time.

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    1. Your comment reminded me of a quote I once read by Rose Kennedy
      “It has been said, ‘Time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” I feel healing is much more complex then just waiting on enough time to pass and thinking that will fix you up. Some hurts, pains and traumas are timeless. Thank you for reading, I appreciate it🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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