Ever have one of those silent gut-wrenching cries in the bathroom or maybe when you’re laying down in the dark at night, you know the kind where you cover your mouth and hope you don’t make a sound so no one else will hear you while completely falling apart? It happens. It just happened the other day for me. That’s part of my present and I make the best of it. I’m human and I know I’m not alone in this. Life is messy. We all have our stories, we all have been through hell at one point or another. Some more often than others but that doesn’t make anyone’s pain less than. Your pain is your pain, if it hurts then it hurts and that is enough for it to matter. There was a time I thought I was alone in my suffering that I should be ashamed of the dark thoughts that transpired. So yes, when I get to that point of silently crying because it’s all become too much and everything is just hitting me all at once I still have thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore, at that moment everything is so bleak and every ugly thing I can say to myself, I say it. I don’t hold back. But when I’m done, I wipe away my tears and wait for tomorrow. Face another day, and that within itself is winning for me.
© Aanchal Gounder