Tonight I fell apart

Tonight I fell apart. I thought I had it all under control. If I just buried the pain, the hurt, pushed away what haunts me, silenced the screams. How wrong I was.

I am containing a hurricane one that is raging and clawing at my insides leaving deepening scars slowly ripping me at my seams wanting to be unleashed and tonight I lost my grip on it just for a moment, a small moment but that moment was all it needed to create a little chaos, to wreck my carefully constructed facade, to make me feel something, that something which I purposely avoid. That something that I know will one day cause me to set sail on the mightiest of ships, to say goodbye to the villain in my story and let me be carried away with the wind.

We came to blows tonight, and I once again was reminded why I keep it all buried, caged. Hurricane once again contained. My sense of peace, gone. My nerves, on edge. What is this madness that I have become?

Β© Aanchal Gounder

33 thoughts on “Tonight I fell apart

  1. Pure emotions very beautifully written. Your deep buried cold emotions when sometimes meets with the warmth of your heart, can cause hurricanes, just like in nature and even though for a moment it does cause irreversible damage. Certain feelings can never be contained, but we try to. Well written πŸ‘Œ

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, I am trying to make it more of a habit to write pieces like this especially when things become a little too overwhelming. I’ve always hidden behind my poetry but I have to admit there is a power in being this vulnerable in my writing that I didn’t expect.

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  2. Although there is an element of writing that is therapeutic, I know having felt like you described on many occasions. Sometimes, there is no stopping or preventing those kinds of feelings. Often times I find myself simply allowing then to happen, allowing me to experience the depths of it all. It’s not comforting, but I do know that they can blow right through me and then a different day can happen.
    I hope you are able to find some peace.

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  3. I agree with everything you said. There was a time I used to let everything, every feeling wash over me and I remember how much clarity I gained from it afterwards how freeing it was. I guess somewhere along the way living life, the people I’m surrounded by the experiences I’ve had, it all just led me to believe that none of it matters, that it’s pointless to feel everything when nothing changes. I know the day I finally let it all wash over me to it’s utter depths that I will have to make some difficult life decisions. Thank you so much for taking the time out and reading my piece and your heartfelt comment is much appreciated.

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    1. These battles we face in our journey are inevitable but know this; you have it in you the strength and courage needed to weather all of life’s storms even when it may seem hopeless. There is so much power in who we are and what we are capable of. It’s something I remind myself every day. Sending you love and light, thank you for reading.

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  4. Its interesting to me that you wrote this when Mercury was turning retrograde in Pisces which rules the emotional depths.. you are most certainly not alone as so many face these kind of storms, myself included.. Sometimes we keep it all at bay, at other times it just rises up, we are made of water so its natural we have these storms..Peace blessings.

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    1. Ah! you are so right! Mercury in Retrograde has had such a huge impact on me, definitely been feeling the effects of it on the emotional level very heavily and also all the annoying little ways like my car acting up all of a sudden, but I can’t complain too much because I always come out knowing myself a little better every time during this phase.

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