Tonight I fell apart. I thought I had it all under control. If I just buried the pain, the hurt, pushed away what haunts me, silenced the screams. How wrong I was.
I am containing a hurricane one that is raging and clawing at my insides leaving deepening scars slowly ripping me at my seams wanting to be unleashed and tonight I lost my grip on it just for a moment, a small moment but that moment was all it needed to create a little chaos, to wreck my carefully constructed facade, to make me feel something, that something which I purposely avoid. That something that I know will one day cause me to set sail on the mightiest of ships, to say goodbye to the villain in my story and let me be carried away with the wind.
We came to blows tonight, and I once again was reminded why I keep it all buried, caged. Hurricane once again contained. My sense of peace, gone. My nerves, on edge. What is this madness that I have become?
© Aanchal Gounder