Tonight I fell apart

Tonight I fell apart. I thought I had it all under control. If I just buried the pain, the hurt, pushed away what haunts me, silenced the screams. How wrong I was.

I am containing a hurricane one that is raging and clawing at my insides leaving deepening scars slowly ripping me at my seams wanting to be unleashed and tonight I lost my grip on it just for a moment, a small moment but that moment was all it needed to create a little chaos, to wreck my carefully constructed facade, to make me feel something, that something which I purposely avoid. That something that I know will one day cause me to set sail on the mightiest of ships, to say goodbye to the villain in my story and let me be carried away with the wind.

We came to blows tonight, and I once again was reminded why I keep it all buried, caged. Hurricane once again contained. My sense of peace, gone. My nerves, on edge. What is this madness that I have become?

© Aanchal Gounder

I used to…

I used to know you, we were created from the very same fabric of creation ‘neath the stars of tomorrow

we spoke of things not yet known and we sat near ruins of ancestral graves of those not yet born

moths to a flame we never could resist the calling of the way we are what we are

so many lifetimes have been inhaled and so many exhaled between the atoms that made us

but we always seem to say goodbye in the woodlands where the Nightingales sing upon the whispering thorns

alas, there is no place elsewhere we can exist in unity

not without singeing away that of what we have yet to know.

© Aanchal Gounder

Things to think about.

What words do you need to hear right now? What is it that you are searching for? Do you even know? Are you walking around with fear as your friend? Allowing it to keep you from living the life you want? Does ego say hello every morning? What broke you? Did you survive it? You did. You’re still here, breathing barely but you’re breathing. Who do you think about when you close your eyes? Do they know? If not, why? What keeps you from living your best life? What are you running from? The truth? Maybe all the lies you tell yourself? Limiting your potential. Ever sit down and wonder “who am I ?” Do you even care? What are you chasing after? Why? What is important to you? What makes you, you? Do you let others define you? How is your mental health? When is the last time you checked in on yourself? Evaluate your thoughts and feelings. How are you, really? What makes you happy? Who makes you happy? I hope you included yourself on that list. What is love to you? Are you love? What keeps you up at night?

Things to think about. Write about.

© Aanchal Gounder

 

We the monsters…

We the monsters wearing crowns made of flesh and bones

pirouetting

we the gods of creation made from impossible things

gods and monsters

whirling and twirling in nightmares of gold

sitting on thrones of old, the exalted ones

we reign.

© Aanchal Gounder

Mr. Sun, sorry…

Mr. Sun, sorry

not today, not in the mood

overthinking, speed of light

bluebirds fly me to the goddamned moon

far and high

deeper, go higher

through the stygian clouds of gray

flight path, transparent

the middle of everywhere

I am here nor there, can’t explain

it’s sublime, let’s replay

roll the dice, where will I land

no other way, sell me a dream undone

deep-rooted, song gone mad

© Aanchal Gounder